On Recipes for Happiness
I came across a quote about happiness (or loving yourself, which I feel is directly connected) today that I love. I love it because it so perfectly describes what I've been doing for so long and why I've been unhappy doing it. And as I recognize what I'm doing wrong, I can change and start to do things right. Or at least better.
"If you water yourself down to please people or to fit in or to not offend anyone, you lose the power, the passion, the freedom and the joy of being uniquely you. It’s much easier to love yourself when you are being yourself." — Dan Coppersmith
I grew up with the idea that the recipe for happiness included at least small amounts of three things: the approval of others, the admiration (and sometimes its more potent form - jealousy) of others, and the appeasement of everyone. If everyone loved me, I was guaranteed to love myself, right? Unfortunately, it took until my college years for me to realize that such a recipe almost always results in a sad, watered-down version of true happiness.
I love that quote because it reminds me that choosing to water myself down for the sake of impressing or mollifying others means choosing a diluted form of happiness, a very limited freedom, a rather lukewarm passion, and a mere shadow of my true power. Is this the way I want to live my life? Do I really value the approval of others above truly living and loving myself? Do I really have to ask myself these questions?
One more quote I discovered today:
“Stop worrying about your identity and concern yourself with the people you care about, ideas that matter to you, beliefs you can stand by, tickets you can run on...The world does not deliver meaning to you. You have to make it meaningful…and decide what you want and need and must do." -Zadie Smith
Here is a more promising recipe for happiness: Stop worrying about what others tell you your "identity" should be, and concern yourself with what you love, what you feel deep in your soul, and what you truly believe. Sometimes what we believe or feel deep in our souls is flawed and doesn't bring happiness - at least not directly. However, a willingness to follow one's heart, make a mistake, and learn the hard way is sometimes the shortest road to true understanding. True understanding and a willingness to be honest with yourself offer a much greater possibility of real joy than living in fear of judgment or making mistakes.
For years, I've been watering down my happiness with fear of what others think. It's time to stop. Of course, stopping is easier said than done, as that bottle of fear seems to keep finding its way into my hands, tugging at my fingers to pour a little more into the bowl. But recognizing that that little bottle is diluting what could be a delicious recipe for true joy is a start. So, next time you end up in my hand, little bottle of fear, I can remind myself to put you down. I want my happiness, sometimes difficult and painful to shape, but sweet, strong, and pure. And I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and get started.
"If you water yourself down to please people or to fit in or to not offend anyone, you lose the power, the passion, the freedom and the joy of being uniquely you. It’s much easier to love yourself when you are being yourself." — Dan Coppersmith
I grew up with the idea that the recipe for happiness included at least small amounts of three things: the approval of others, the admiration (and sometimes its more potent form - jealousy) of others, and the appeasement of everyone. If everyone loved me, I was guaranteed to love myself, right? Unfortunately, it took until my college years for me to realize that such a recipe almost always results in a sad, watered-down version of true happiness.
I love that quote because it reminds me that choosing to water myself down for the sake of impressing or mollifying others means choosing a diluted form of happiness, a very limited freedom, a rather lukewarm passion, and a mere shadow of my true power. Is this the way I want to live my life? Do I really value the approval of others above truly living and loving myself? Do I really have to ask myself these questions?
One more quote I discovered today:
“Stop worrying about your identity and concern yourself with the people you care about, ideas that matter to you, beliefs you can stand by, tickets you can run on...The world does not deliver meaning to you. You have to make it meaningful…and decide what you want and need and must do." -Zadie Smith
Here is a more promising recipe for happiness: Stop worrying about what others tell you your "identity" should be, and concern yourself with what you love, what you feel deep in your soul, and what you truly believe. Sometimes what we believe or feel deep in our souls is flawed and doesn't bring happiness - at least not directly. However, a willingness to follow one's heart, make a mistake, and learn the hard way is sometimes the shortest road to true understanding. True understanding and a willingness to be honest with yourself offer a much greater possibility of real joy than living in fear of judgment or making mistakes.
For years, I've been watering down my happiness with fear of what others think. It's time to stop. Of course, stopping is easier said than done, as that bottle of fear seems to keep finding its way into my hands, tugging at my fingers to pour a little more into the bowl. But recognizing that that little bottle is diluting what could be a delicious recipe for true joy is a start. So, next time you end up in my hand, little bottle of fear, I can remind myself to put you down. I want my happiness, sometimes difficult and painful to shape, but sweet, strong, and pure. And I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and get started.
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