A Bushel and a Peck

Last night, I drove past the hospital where I gave birth to both of my babies. My heart jumped, a bit painfully, as the emotions I remember experiencing during labor swept through me again. "That's interesting," I thought. "The emotions that strike me most about the times I gave birth to my children occurred just before they were born, not after. Why is that?" Aside from feeling slightly guilty that my most meaningful memories related to giving birth to my children weren't the moments I met them, I was curious. I realized that the hours and minutes before giving birth contained probably the most intense physical experiences of my life. It makes sense that I would remember those emotions best. I thought to myself, "Those moments when I was overwhelmed by intense sensations almost completely beyond my control allowed (perhaps forced) me to connect to something beyond the physical to ground myself. I needed to connect to something spiritual to get th...

I'm feeling triggered today. I've been working full time for about 6 weeks. I enjoy my job. I miss my kids while I'm gone, but it's been good for me to work.  Weekends can be hard. When my kids are with their dad, I often feel lonely and unfocused. When my kids are with me, I tend to feel overwhelmed, triggered, anxious. I've heard so many single parents say, "We weren't meant to do this alone..." and I'm realizing more and more what that really means.  I'm also recognizing more and more why being a parent is so hard for me. I've experienced unhealthy relationships with multiple individuals in my life and so many of my kids' behaviors remind me of those relationships. How interesting that relationships with adults have been so similar to relationships with children. But all the more frustrating because adults aren't supposed to act that way. I've recognized the following things people do that sometimes trigger me...