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Judging and Loving

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Thoughts on Remarriage

In two weeks, my divorce will be finalized.  I'm sure that'll hit me somehow. I don't know how, exactly, yet. But it'll hit me and I'm sure it'll be painful to some degree.  I've been thinking, off and on, about vulnerability - particularly in marriage. As is a normal part of this process, I've sometimes contemplated the possibility of getting married again someday. God has told me that I will, and I believe Him. Lately, though, I've been cynical about it. The true love I used to envision in marriage now seems silly and foolish. I see now that what I used to believe about true love had more to do with mutual codependent caretaking than it did real, healthy love.  Part of me is certain that making myself truly vulnerable to another human being will only end in pain. Again. There have been a few times over the last several months that I've sort of "practiced" being vulnerable the way I believe marriage requires. I haven't don...
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It's interesting how certain events can shove me back into superficial mode, codependent mode, "forget everything I've been learning and turn back into a teenager" mode. It can be fun, but it's mostly frustrating. I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to get so wrapped up in any other human being that I forget myself and God. I don't want to turn into a completely different person to try to "fit" someone else. I've been working really hard at uncovering the real me and I love that beautiful soul. I can tell it's going to take a lot of work to keep her uncovered as I continue to open up to others. It's going to require that I overcome fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness - all of which I've overcome on a general level, but now I'm working on overcoming those things on the next level down. I have to identify the places where I'm weak, insecure, uncertain in relationships that are more ...
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Why Pray?

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