Diving Deeper
It's interesting how certain events can shove me back into superficial mode, codependent mode, "forget everything I've been learning and turn back into a teenager" mode. It can be fun, but it's mostly frustrating.
I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to get so wrapped up in any other human being that I forget myself and God. I don't want to turn into a completely different person to try to "fit" someone else. I've been working really hard at uncovering the real me and I love that beautiful soul. I can tell it's going to take a lot of work to keep her uncovered as I continue to open up to others.
It's going to require that I overcome fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness - all of which I've overcome on a general level, but now I'm working on overcoming those things on the next level down. I have to identify the places where I'm weak, insecure, uncertain in relationships that are more vulnerable than most I've been dealing with over the past year.
I've gotten good at finding a balance when I'm alone or interacting on a superficial level with friends and family. I've gotten good at recognizing and meeting my own emotional needs in relative isolation. But now I need to figure out how to meet those same needs while still letting a few of the "right" people in. I need to learn how to give without giving too much. I need to learn how to ask without asking too much. I need to learn how to maintain a good balance while venturing to deeper levels in my relationships.
This is hard! But it's also exciting. I know if I can stay aware and lean on God, I'll continue to grow in amazing ways.
It'll be more than worth it.
I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to get so wrapped up in any other human being that I forget myself and God. I don't want to turn into a completely different person to try to "fit" someone else. I've been working really hard at uncovering the real me and I love that beautiful soul. I can tell it's going to take a lot of work to keep her uncovered as I continue to open up to others.
It's going to require that I overcome fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness - all of which I've overcome on a general level, but now I'm working on overcoming those things on the next level down. I have to identify the places where I'm weak, insecure, uncertain in relationships that are more vulnerable than most I've been dealing with over the past year.
I've gotten good at finding a balance when I'm alone or interacting on a superficial level with friends and family. I've gotten good at recognizing and meeting my own emotional needs in relative isolation. But now I need to figure out how to meet those same needs while still letting a few of the "right" people in. I need to learn how to give without giving too much. I need to learn how to ask without asking too much. I need to learn how to maintain a good balance while venturing to deeper levels in my relationships.
This is hard! But it's also exciting. I know if I can stay aware and lean on God, I'll continue to grow in amazing ways.
It'll be more than worth it.
Comments
Post a Comment