Hypnobirthing: A Birth Story, Part 2
*Warning* - A couple of slightly graphic details are included in this post. Words like "blood" and "cervix" appear once or twice.
This is part 2 of 2. Click here for Part 1.
To answer your question, yes, I did experience pain during labor. And the night after Sweet Boy was born, I did lay awake, feeling a little betrayed and overwhelmed, since I'd been telling myself that I wouldn't feel pain. But the experience of labor was an empowering experience, despite the pain. If I could go back and get the epidural, I wouldn't do it.
The sensation I experienced that I would label "pain" was very much like the discomfort one feels when getting an intense massage. The pressure is necessary, but it hurts. Sometimes it really hurts. The thing about a massage is that you get pressure in one or two small spots at a time. Not to mention, you can tell the therapist, "Okay, back off for a second." When you're in labor, your own body is putting on the pressure, over your entire abdomen, and it's not about to stop trying to push out a baby just because you're uncomfortable.
All right, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.
On a cool November night, around 11:30, I started feeling my abdomen tightening. Just slightly. Enough that in my eager-to-have-my-baby state, I noticed every time it happened and tried not to get too excited. I started timing them, and they were about 2-3 minutes apart. The same thing had happened the night before though, so I wasn't going to jump to any conclusions unless something else started happening.
Stephen was staying up late to work on homework due the next day. He had actually sort of hoped I would go into labor the day before so he wouldn't have to even worry about the homework. He'd told me Sunday night was a bad night to go into labor. Sorry, darling.
I finally fell asleep around 3:00 that morning, listening to a Hypnobirthing relaxation track. At 3:30, almost on the dot, I woke up to a very strong contraction. I lay there for a moment, stunned and disoriented, thinking "What was THAT?" After a few seconds, I realized that my contractions had suddenly increased in strength. I was excited. The contractions hurt a little, but were completely manageable.
I timed those stronger contractions for an hour, and they were still 2-3 minutes apart. At 4:30 a.m., I called the midwife, reported what was happening, and asked what she suggested. She told me I could either take an extra strength Tylenol and a warm bath to see if the contractions slowed or stopped, or I could head to the hospital if I felt like I needed to. I decided on the bath option. An hour later, the contractions were still in full swing. Stephen was just finishing up his homework, and I told him I was pretty sure I was really in labor. We were both excited, but decided to try to get some sleep so that we could be a little more "with it" for the first day of our son's life.
Just a minute or two after laying down, I decided I couldn't do it. I couldn't just lay there through the contractions, which were still very strong and rather uncomfortable. I was ready for more active support from both Stephen and the midwife. As we packed up to head to the hospital, I lost some blood (often referred to as the "bloody show"), signifying that I was definitely in labor. I was stoked! I had no fear, no anxiety, just excitement. This was really happening. I was going to meet my son today. I was going to get to hold him and kiss his sweet face and tell him that I loved him. We finished packing up, with me taking a break every two or three minutes to sit down and breathe through the contractions, and headed out.
I have to say, experiencing strong contractions while confined to the passenger seat of a moving car is not on my Top Ten Favorite Parts of Labor list (at least, it wouldn't be, if I had such a list). Thankfully, we live less than ten minutes from the hospital, so I only had to breathe through three contractions in the car. Once there, I had to stop a couple of times on our way up to Labor and Delivery so I could breathe through the contractions. We arrived just before 7:00 a.m.
Another note - one of the things Hypnobirthing talks about is using "affirmations" or phrases you repeat to yourself that help you focus and think positively through the difficult parts of labor. One of the few that I found helpful during contractions was, "Every surge [Hypnobirthing language for contraction] brings me closer to meeting my baby." This proved to be helpful even as labor got more difficult, as simply forcing myself to think each word helped me avoid getting swallowed up in my discomfort and exhaustion.
So, I headed in to L&D, breathing through contractions every two to three minutes, thinking my affirmations to myself, and pumped up on excitement and adrenaline. We got settled in triage, and when they checked to see how far dilated I was, I was surprised to hear I was nearly dilated to a 7 (the beginning of "transition," typically the hardest part of labor), and effaced 80%. I couldn't believe I'd progressed so far. They assigned us a delivery room, and we got settled.
Around 8:00 a.m., the midwife showed up and we chatted for a little while. About half an hour later, I starting feeling really exhausted and decided to lie down on the bed. The contractions were getting more intense. I asked the midwife to check to see if I'd dilated any further and was discouraged to hear that I was still at a 7. I was exhausted and uncomfortable, and this news was less than welcome. Stephen and I decided to do the "rose script" (imagining a rose slowly opening) a few times to encourage my cervix to finish dilating.
During this time, I remember looking up at the clock and telling myself that there was no way I was going to be in labor past 11:30 a.m. Part of it was me setting a deadline for myself, but part of it was just a feeling that Sweet Boy would be here by then. That was reassuring as well.
My memories of this part of labor are a little fuzzy, largely because I was so tired. I remember crying and telling Stephen I couldn't do it anymore. I remember him telling me that I was doing an incredible job, and being comforted by that. I remember being afraid of the next contraction. I also remember falling asleep repeatedly. It was all very confusing and overwhelming.
Somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00 a.m., (about 6 hours after the more intense contractions had started), the midwife checked again, and I was dilated to a 10, 100% effaced, and ready to start pushing. Hallelujah! I'd felt ready to push for the past hour, since pushing helped relieve some of the pressure from the contractions. So they got their little table of tools set up next to the bed, and I started to push.
About half an hour into pushing, I wasn't making a ton of progress, and the midwife offered to break my water (yes - it was still in tact! It hadn't broken in public like I was worried about! Ha!) to help move things along. I hesitated, mainly because I was worried it would make the contractions more intense, but I decided I was ready to move things along if I could. So she broke my water, and shortly after that, Sweet Boy started to crown. He kept getting stuck though, so the midwife suggested an episiotomy to give him a better path out (and to help me avoid tearing really badly). After the episiotomy, it only took a few more pushes and, at 11:03 a.m. (27 minutes before my self-imposed deadline), out he came! Stephen was able to 'catch' him.
The relief from the pressure and pain of the contractions was instantaneous. That physical relief, mixed with the euphoria of finally getting to meet my son, was one of the most incredible feelings I've experienced yet. Stephen immediately placed him on my stomach and I was able to hold and talk to this warm, sticky, wailing little person while they wiped him down. He felt like a stranger to me in some ways, since I'd had no idea what he would look like, what it would feel like to hold him. But I loved him and I was so happy to have him there.
He was a little squashy, but he was so beautiful.
So, yes, labor was painful. But, thanks to my preparation, I was able to manage the discomfort quite well up until the last two and a half hours. Those two and a half hours were overwhelming, exhausting, and more painful than anything else I've experienced. But even then, I slept between contractions. I didn't yell or swear or even ask for an epidural (though I was tempted to do all of those things).
I'm not trying to brag and I definitely don't fault those who do those things. I'm simply explaining that while the Hypnobirthing technique didn't provide me a painless birth, it did provide me what I needed to give birth without medication. I came away from the class equipped me with three invaluable things: true confidence in myself and my body, the perspective that the result is more than worth the struggle, and the tools to make it through some of the most difficult parts of that struggle. Could I have found these things another way? Of course. Hypnobirthing just happened to be the place where I did find them.
Yes, I will do Hypnobirthing again. Yes, I am so glad I did it this first time. And yes, I have benefitted in several ways other than those eight hours of active labor. I might write a post entitled "What Else I Learned from Hypnobirthing." But I might not. What matters is that Hypnobirthing was the avenue through which I was able to empower myself. And this empowerment has extended to areas of my life other than the birth of my child. I am changed because of what I learned. And I am so grateful for everything I got out of my experience with labor and birth.
Especially for this sweet, darling little boy who now calls me "Mama."
This is part 2 of 2. Click here for Part 1.
To answer your question, yes, I did experience pain during labor. And the night after Sweet Boy was born, I did lay awake, feeling a little betrayed and overwhelmed, since I'd been telling myself that I wouldn't feel pain. But the experience of labor was an empowering experience, despite the pain. If I could go back and get the epidural, I wouldn't do it.
The sensation I experienced that I would label "pain" was very much like the discomfort one feels when getting an intense massage. The pressure is necessary, but it hurts. Sometimes it really hurts. The thing about a massage is that you get pressure in one or two small spots at a time. Not to mention, you can tell the therapist, "Okay, back off for a second." When you're in labor, your own body is putting on the pressure, over your entire abdomen, and it's not about to stop trying to push out a baby just because you're uncomfortable.
All right, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.
On a cool November night, around 11:30, I started feeling my abdomen tightening. Just slightly. Enough that in my eager-to-have-my-baby state, I noticed every time it happened and tried not to get too excited. I started timing them, and they were about 2-3 minutes apart. The same thing had happened the night before though, so I wasn't going to jump to any conclusions unless something else started happening.
Stephen was staying up late to work on homework due the next day. He had actually sort of hoped I would go into labor the day before so he wouldn't have to even worry about the homework. He'd told me Sunday night was a bad night to go into labor. Sorry, darling.
I finally fell asleep around 3:00 that morning, listening to a Hypnobirthing relaxation track. At 3:30, almost on the dot, I woke up to a very strong contraction. I lay there for a moment, stunned and disoriented, thinking "What was THAT?" After a few seconds, I realized that my contractions had suddenly increased in strength. I was excited. The contractions hurt a little, but were completely manageable.
I timed those stronger contractions for an hour, and they were still 2-3 minutes apart. At 4:30 a.m., I called the midwife, reported what was happening, and asked what she suggested. She told me I could either take an extra strength Tylenol and a warm bath to see if the contractions slowed or stopped, or I could head to the hospital if I felt like I needed to. I decided on the bath option. An hour later, the contractions were still in full swing. Stephen was just finishing up his homework, and I told him I was pretty sure I was really in labor. We were both excited, but decided to try to get some sleep so that we could be a little more "with it" for the first day of our son's life.
Just a minute or two after laying down, I decided I couldn't do it. I couldn't just lay there through the contractions, which were still very strong and rather uncomfortable. I was ready for more active support from both Stephen and the midwife. As we packed up to head to the hospital, I lost some blood (often referred to as the "bloody show"), signifying that I was definitely in labor. I was stoked! I had no fear, no anxiety, just excitement. This was really happening. I was going to meet my son today. I was going to get to hold him and kiss his sweet face and tell him that I loved him. We finished packing up, with me taking a break every two or three minutes to sit down and breathe through the contractions, and headed out.
I have to say, experiencing strong contractions while confined to the passenger seat of a moving car is not on my Top Ten Favorite Parts of Labor list (at least, it wouldn't be, if I had such a list). Thankfully, we live less than ten minutes from the hospital, so I only had to breathe through three contractions in the car. Once there, I had to stop a couple of times on our way up to Labor and Delivery so I could breathe through the contractions. We arrived just before 7:00 a.m.
Another note - one of the things Hypnobirthing talks about is using "affirmations" or phrases you repeat to yourself that help you focus and think positively through the difficult parts of labor. One of the few that I found helpful during contractions was, "Every surge [Hypnobirthing language for contraction] brings me closer to meeting my baby." This proved to be helpful even as labor got more difficult, as simply forcing myself to think each word helped me avoid getting swallowed up in my discomfort and exhaustion.
So, I headed in to L&D, breathing through contractions every two to three minutes, thinking my affirmations to myself, and pumped up on excitement and adrenaline. We got settled in triage, and when they checked to see how far dilated I was, I was surprised to hear I was nearly dilated to a 7 (the beginning of "transition," typically the hardest part of labor), and effaced 80%. I couldn't believe I'd progressed so far. They assigned us a delivery room, and we got settled.
Around 8:00 a.m., the midwife showed up and we chatted for a little while. About half an hour later, I starting feeling really exhausted and decided to lie down on the bed. The contractions were getting more intense. I asked the midwife to check to see if I'd dilated any further and was discouraged to hear that I was still at a 7. I was exhausted and uncomfortable, and this news was less than welcome. Stephen and I decided to do the "rose script" (imagining a rose slowly opening) a few times to encourage my cervix to finish dilating.
During this time, I remember looking up at the clock and telling myself that there was no way I was going to be in labor past 11:30 a.m. Part of it was me setting a deadline for myself, but part of it was just a feeling that Sweet Boy would be here by then. That was reassuring as well.
My memories of this part of labor are a little fuzzy, largely because I was so tired. I remember crying and telling Stephen I couldn't do it anymore. I remember him telling me that I was doing an incredible job, and being comforted by that. I remember being afraid of the next contraction. I also remember falling asleep repeatedly. It was all very confusing and overwhelming.
Somewhere between 9:30 and 10:00 a.m., (about 6 hours after the more intense contractions had started), the midwife checked again, and I was dilated to a 10, 100% effaced, and ready to start pushing. Hallelujah! I'd felt ready to push for the past hour, since pushing helped relieve some of the pressure from the contractions. So they got their little table of tools set up next to the bed, and I started to push.
About half an hour into pushing, I wasn't making a ton of progress, and the midwife offered to break my water (yes - it was still in tact! It hadn't broken in public like I was worried about! Ha!) to help move things along. I hesitated, mainly because I was worried it would make the contractions more intense, but I decided I was ready to move things along if I could. So she broke my water, and shortly after that, Sweet Boy started to crown. He kept getting stuck though, so the midwife suggested an episiotomy to give him a better path out (and to help me avoid tearing really badly). After the episiotomy, it only took a few more pushes and, at 11:03 a.m. (27 minutes before my self-imposed deadline), out he came! Stephen was able to 'catch' him.
The relief from the pressure and pain of the contractions was instantaneous. That physical relief, mixed with the euphoria of finally getting to meet my son, was one of the most incredible feelings I've experienced yet. Stephen immediately placed him on my stomach and I was able to hold and talk to this warm, sticky, wailing little person while they wiped him down. He felt like a stranger to me in some ways, since I'd had no idea what he would look like, what it would feel like to hold him. But I loved him and I was so happy to have him there.
He was a little squashy, but he was so beautiful.
So, yes, labor was painful. But, thanks to my preparation, I was able to manage the discomfort quite well up until the last two and a half hours. Those two and a half hours were overwhelming, exhausting, and more painful than anything else I've experienced. But even then, I slept between contractions. I didn't yell or swear or even ask for an epidural (though I was tempted to do all of those things).
I'm not trying to brag and I definitely don't fault those who do those things. I'm simply explaining that while the Hypnobirthing technique didn't provide me a painless birth, it did provide me what I needed to give birth without medication. I came away from the class equipped me with three invaluable things: true confidence in myself and my body, the perspective that the result is more than worth the struggle, and the tools to make it through some of the most difficult parts of that struggle. Could I have found these things another way? Of course. Hypnobirthing just happened to be the place where I did find them.
Yes, I will do Hypnobirthing again. Yes, I am so glad I did it this first time. And yes, I have benefitted in several ways other than those eight hours of active labor. I might write a post entitled "What Else I Learned from Hypnobirthing." But I might not. What matters is that Hypnobirthing was the avenue through which I was able to empower myself. And this empowerment has extended to areas of my life other than the birth of my child. I am changed because of what I learned. And I am so grateful for everything I got out of my experience with labor and birth.
Especially for this sweet, darling little boy who now calls me "Mama."
Kara,
ReplyDeleteI didn't even realize you had a blog! Thanks for sharing your story. What a precious piece of life!
-Jeannine
Simply beautiful.
ReplyDelete