Failures, Maybes, and Opportunities
I'm trying to make Sweet Boy a birthday present. This present involves sewing. I have a bit of a natural talent for sewing, but very little education. I'm making this up as I go, which is both exciting and obnoxious.
The project involves sewing a bunch of ribbons in straight lines on a blank piece of fabric. I just sewed the first one on. I put it down on the floor and stepped back to look at it. It's crooked. Crap. Now what?
Failure Monster starts poking me with his stick, chanting different "maybes" at me. Maybe I'll have to redo it. Maybe picking the whole thing out will leave holes in the ribbon. Maybe I won't have enough leftover ribbon. If this line turned out crooked, maybe all the other lines I try will too. Maybe it will look stupid. Maybe this project is more trouble than it's worth. Maybe my idea to use ribbons in the first place was a stupid one. Maybe this is impossible. Maybe I should be using my time to do something not so stupid. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am, always have been, and always will be, a failure.
Wait. This is old thinking. This is codependent-victim thinking. This is not who I want to be anymore. It takes some mental effort, but I sit down and write out all those maybes that are buzzing in my head. And then, I write, "OR..."
Or...Maybe failing is an opportunity to learn. Maybe what I learn now will save me time on future sewing projects. Maybe this is an opportunity to practice patience, perseverance, and creativity. Maybe this is an opportunity to build my resilience, to prove to myself that failing sometimes does not mean I am a failure.
I'm still irritable. The frustration at my failure still eats at me a little. But I am making a choice to grab Failure Monster's stupid stick and break it over my knee. He may find another one sometime soon. But I'll break that one too, and the next one, and the next one, until he runs out of sticks or gets bored. The jabs he already gave me sting a little. I'm still kind of pissed. But I will choose to see this failure as an opportunity. I will choose to learn instead of run.
So, shut up, Failure Monster. You're dumb. And I'm still fabulous.
The project involves sewing a bunch of ribbons in straight lines on a blank piece of fabric. I just sewed the first one on. I put it down on the floor and stepped back to look at it. It's crooked. Crap. Now what?
Failure Monster starts poking me with his stick, chanting different "maybes" at me. Maybe I'll have to redo it. Maybe picking the whole thing out will leave holes in the ribbon. Maybe I won't have enough leftover ribbon. If this line turned out crooked, maybe all the other lines I try will too. Maybe it will look stupid. Maybe this project is more trouble than it's worth. Maybe my idea to use ribbons in the first place was a stupid one. Maybe this is impossible. Maybe I should be using my time to do something not so stupid. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am, always have been, and always will be, a failure.
Wait. This is old thinking. This is codependent-victim thinking. This is not who I want to be anymore. It takes some mental effort, but I sit down and write out all those maybes that are buzzing in my head. And then, I write, "OR..."
Or...Maybe failing is an opportunity to learn. Maybe what I learn now will save me time on future sewing projects. Maybe this is an opportunity to practice patience, perseverance, and creativity. Maybe this is an opportunity to build my resilience, to prove to myself that failing sometimes does not mean I am a failure.
I'm still irritable. The frustration at my failure still eats at me a little. But I am making a choice to grab Failure Monster's stupid stick and break it over my knee. He may find another one sometime soon. But I'll break that one too, and the next one, and the next one, until he runs out of sticks or gets bored. The jabs he already gave me sting a little. I'm still kind of pissed. But I will choose to see this failure as an opportunity. I will choose to learn instead of run.
So, shut up, Failure Monster. You're dumb. And I'm still fabulous.
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