Fractures
Broken heart.
Typically when we think of broken hearts, we think of a relationship ending, creating a big chasm in one's heart. My heart feels broken today, but there was no single defining moment that caused the break, no giant chasm that suddenly appeared one day.
Instead, what I have is a collection of fractures. Tens, maybe hundreds of them. From the hurtful words and actions hurled at me, to the personal struggles of a loved one that happened to hurt me too, to being mocked for what I felt and believed, to being told I had to accept things that hurt me if I wanted to be loved, to being told I wasn't wanted over and over, to being replaced so quickly after we finally agreed to give up trying.
Many, many fractures comprise my broken heart. I've been examining the fractures and binding them carefully. But sometimes they still ache. Sometimes, something shifts and it all flares up again. Sometimes, I unwrap the bandages to see how things are going and just looking at all the damage - however nicely it may be healing - breaks me a little again.
What has happened to my heart? How did I let this happen? Why didn't I do something about it sooner? Why did I ever let myself be vulnerable and share my heart with anyone?
But I remember...Christ died of a broken heart. Literally and figuratively. He chose to suffer every little thing each one of us would ever feel. He chose to break His own heart for us. Because there is power in breaking one's heart in the name of love. There is power in sharing one's heart with others.
It hurts. It hurts like hell sometimes. And sometimes it just plain isn't fair. But in all my brokenness and pain, I see an opportunity: an opportunity for growth, power, deeper and truer love. The fractures in my heart have become places where light can come in. I can fill my fractures with light, rather than leaving them full of darkness. It will take time, but the possibility is very real.
I can choose what I will do with my fractured heart. But because of Christ, I will always have the opportunity to fill the cracks with light, to make my heart expand, to become a beautiful masterpiece in all my brokenness. The breaking hurts, but it is an opportunity - every time - to allow God to build me into something greater than I was before. For that reason, I am grateful for my fractures. I can sit with the pain and explore the cracks so I learn how to fill them with light.
My breaks are no longer just devastating losses - they are also incredible blessings.
Typically when we think of broken hearts, we think of a relationship ending, creating a big chasm in one's heart. My heart feels broken today, but there was no single defining moment that caused the break, no giant chasm that suddenly appeared one day.
Instead, what I have is a collection of fractures. Tens, maybe hundreds of them. From the hurtful words and actions hurled at me, to the personal struggles of a loved one that happened to hurt me too, to being mocked for what I felt and believed, to being told I had to accept things that hurt me if I wanted to be loved, to being told I wasn't wanted over and over, to being replaced so quickly after we finally agreed to give up trying.
Many, many fractures comprise my broken heart. I've been examining the fractures and binding them carefully. But sometimes they still ache. Sometimes, something shifts and it all flares up again. Sometimes, I unwrap the bandages to see how things are going and just looking at all the damage - however nicely it may be healing - breaks me a little again.
What has happened to my heart? How did I let this happen? Why didn't I do something about it sooner? Why did I ever let myself be vulnerable and share my heart with anyone?
But I remember...Christ died of a broken heart. Literally and figuratively. He chose to suffer every little thing each one of us would ever feel. He chose to break His own heart for us. Because there is power in breaking one's heart in the name of love. There is power in sharing one's heart with others.
It hurts. It hurts like hell sometimes. And sometimes it just plain isn't fair. But in all my brokenness and pain, I see an opportunity: an opportunity for growth, power, deeper and truer love. The fractures in my heart have become places where light can come in. I can fill my fractures with light, rather than leaving them full of darkness. It will take time, but the possibility is very real.
I can choose what I will do with my fractured heart. But because of Christ, I will always have the opportunity to fill the cracks with light, to make my heart expand, to become a beautiful masterpiece in all my brokenness. The breaking hurts, but it is an opportunity - every time - to allow God to build me into something greater than I was before. For that reason, I am grateful for my fractures. I can sit with the pain and explore the cracks so I learn how to fill them with light.
My breaks are no longer just devastating losses - they are also incredible blessings.
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