Feel or Function
I have been trading feeling for functioning.
I learned long ago from someone I trusted that being able to "function" is much more important than being able to feel. They believed it. It had worked well for them.
It doesn't work well for me. I numb my feelings with reading, food, Facebook, superficial social interactions, multitasking, doing well in school, being successful in whatever worldly way I think I can easily manage. Because it's simpler to function and get "joy" from knowing that people believe I'm successful at functioning. It's easier to do that than it is to feel my messy feelings and figure out what the heck to do with them when I feel like I have no one to talk to about all that. No one comments on how emotionally healthy you are. They do praise you for being witty, getting good grades, being athletic, having interesting hobbies.
Social acceptance and "functioning" became more important than knowing myself, knowing God, or truly knowing others.
Numb those feelings. They just get in the way. They're not important, they're a nuisance.
But...what if letting myself FEEL is actually the key to getting to know God?
What if real, raw, messy emotions are glimpses of eternity? What if sitting with them, welcoming them in, seeing them for all their power, potential, and glory means that I absorb some of that power, potential, and glory? What if embracing and working through my emotions means connecting with God in a way that "functioning" will never allow for?
What if feeling means empowering myself?
What? What is this crazy nonsense?
Feeling might be more important than "functioning" after all.
I learned long ago from someone I trusted that being able to "function" is much more important than being able to feel. They believed it. It had worked well for them.
It doesn't work well for me. I numb my feelings with reading, food, Facebook, superficial social interactions, multitasking, doing well in school, being successful in whatever worldly way I think I can easily manage. Because it's simpler to function and get "joy" from knowing that people believe I'm successful at functioning. It's easier to do that than it is to feel my messy feelings and figure out what the heck to do with them when I feel like I have no one to talk to about all that. No one comments on how emotionally healthy you are. They do praise you for being witty, getting good grades, being athletic, having interesting hobbies.
Social acceptance and "functioning" became more important than knowing myself, knowing God, or truly knowing others.
Numb those feelings. They just get in the way. They're not important, they're a nuisance.
But...what if letting myself FEEL is actually the key to getting to know God?
What if real, raw, messy emotions are glimpses of eternity? What if sitting with them, welcoming them in, seeing them for all their power, potential, and glory means that I absorb some of that power, potential, and glory? What if embracing and working through my emotions means connecting with God in a way that "functioning" will never allow for?
What if feeling means empowering myself?
What? What is this crazy nonsense?
Feeling might be more important than "functioning" after all.
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