Tonight, I Don't Feel Codependent

-
An interesting thought tonight.

I have spent the last few months falling asleep feeling codependent.

Tonight, I don't feel codependent.

It's an interesting difference. Hard to put my finger on, really. But there it is.

Tonight, I don't feel codependent.

I am happy to be alone in my bed, with my beautiful, cozy new comforter, the knowledge that I am more than enough the way I am, and that I have so much good ahead of me. I know that I am loved by God and He will be with me every day of my life that I ask Him to be there.

Tonight, I don't feel codependent.

I don't feel that my worth depends on what others think of me.

Tonight, I love and trust my Higher Power.

I get my worth from Him.

Tonight, I love and trust myself.

I am a mortal being with a touch of infinity in my soul.

Together, God and I can do anything.

Comments

  1. MichalJanuary 11, 2017 at 6:26 PM

    BEST FEELING EVER! I can imagine. I'm on the verge of tears!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Indifference

-
Some part of my brain tells me that indifference is power. Indifference is power. Interesting concept. I think I came to that conclusion because the people who have hurt me most are people who I cared about deeply and who acted indifferent to me. So in my mind, if I'm hurt or angry, acting like I don't give a shit is the best way to retaliate. I know it's really not, but in the moment, it makes me feel powerful, in control, capable of hurting someone else as much as I've been hurt. Hurt --> Anger --> Attempt at indifference --> Sabotaging relationships --> More hurt Anxious-avoidant attachment style. It's what I do, I guess. I see the pattern. I see how I can start to change it. But fear and pain make me want to stay here. I'll figure it out eventually.
Read more

"Easy Buttons" over God

-
Glennon Doyle Melton has a book called Love Warrior. In it, she talks about "easy buttons" - things we turn to when we feel lonely or afraid. Things like drugs, alcohol, food, Facebook, or sex. These things are easy to do and they keep us from feeling the pain.  I've been pushing lots of "easy buttons" this week. I've been spending a LOT of time on Facebook, trying to lose myself in various books, sleeping, staying up late texting people, eating junky food. I've been feeling a lot of low-grade loneliness and fear. I have holes in my soul, as we all do, but I'm meant to fill those holes with connection - with Love - not with easy buttons.  I'm meant to connect with God and with other people. To love and be loved. Real love is not easy connection - it's real, deep, vulnerable, honest connection. Being real, vulnerable, honest, and deep with other people (Heck, even with myself. Maybe especially with myself) scares the crap out of me.  ...
Read more

Fighting Codependent Mommy

-
Sweet Boy peed on the floor. Again. Because he was angry with me. He seems to have a sixth sense for what will piss me off and goes right for the jugular when he's upset with me. I know that this is supposedly "just a thing" that kids do, but at times like this, it feels obscenely personal. I had gotten him out of the tub, apparently before he was ready, and he yelled that he was just going to keep getting back in. So I nudged him out the door and locked it so I could finish cleaning up the tub stuff. I was just muttering to myself that he was probably going to start threatening to pee, when I heard liquid hitting the floor outside the door. I lost it. I opened the door, smacked his butt, and yelled, "This is NOT okay!! Never okay!" I took him over to his bed, spanked him again, and yelled some more. I was livid. I am so sick of him peeing whenever he feels like he isn't getting his way. This is so hard for me, because it's about control. From t...
Read more