Burdens

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Yesterday, I found myself struggling with depression.

I got the kids back from Stephen and I felt overwhelmed, resentful, angry. Why do they need so much from me, emotionally? Why do they need me to be happy and strong? I can't do that today! It's not fair.

We drove to McDonald's to meet some friends, and I prayed silently on the way down. I told God how frustrated I was. I told Him I hated Him, I hated myself, I hated everyone else, and I hated just everything. I cried a little. I was so angry and afraid.

I was listening to the song "My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee," and one of the lines struck me: "The Son of Man hath descended below all things. Art thou greater than He?"

This line made me angry. Of course I'm not better than Christ. I'm complaining about the little bit of crap I'm experiencing, not because I'm better than He is, but because I'm not as strong as He is. He can handle all things, but I can't even handle this tiny bit of "hard stuff." I'm only human and I just can't do this. 


And then it struck me. I didn't have to handle this on my own. I wasn't supposed to. Christ descended below all things so He could be there for me when I start to descend below my things. So that I could share the burden with Him.

At that very moment, my prayer changed from one of anger and resentment to one of humility.
Father, I'm sorry. I see that I've been trying to handle this alone and that's not how I'm supposed to be doing this. Wilt thou help me to see how to share my burden with Christ?

I felt lighter, less hopeless, less resentful. It was still a hard day, but the edge of despair and bitterness was softened. My burden wasn't as heavy because I remembered that I didn't have to carry it alone. The point of the burden is not to destroy or isolate me, but to give me an opportunity to spend time working side-by-side with Christ, to learn from Him, connect with Him, to see things the way He sees them.

I may not understand it all. And the burdens are still difficult to bear a lot of the time, but they aren't pointless and they don't have to isolate me. Instead, I can use them to connect - with Christ and with others.

In this way, my burdens are opportunities more than they are disasters.

They are blessings more than curses.

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