Growth and Dating

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I downloaded a dating app the other day. I've talked to a small handful of guys. It's been interesting.

I'd been fighting the idea of getting one of those apps for a couple weeks. I even tried it for a day or two and didn't feel right about it. About a week ago, a switch flipped somewhere in my mind, heart, and/or soul: it feels like time to test the water. I'm hesitant, but ready to start dipping my toes into the dating world.

I know, deep down in the pit of my stomach, the core of my soul, that no relationship I start right now can go much past friendship. I'm going through a period of explosive growth. My soul, so long chained and kept in the dark, is experimenting with its wings and getting used to the light. I'm learning, I'm expanding, I'm feeling, as if for the first time. I'm starting to figure out who I am.

I see that if I start a relationship right now, I'll get stuck again. I'm still too codependent. I'm still healing. I need to settle into who I am before I try a real relationship. Otherwise, I'll end up slowing my own progress.

As I said, I feel this truth deeply, powerfully, to the core of my being. The codependent corners of my mind and heart are disappointed, feebly muttering to me that I'll be happier if I have someone to take care of me. But my soul knows better now. My heart and mind are starting to believe I am far stronger than that.

God needs me to grow my relationship with myself, with Him, and with the world. And, for now, I need to do it single. I am a warrior, but I still have much training ahead of me. Fortunately, I have the perfect mentor and plenty of incredible peers. I am excited. I am ready.

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