Monsters in the Dark

I've been sharing a lot of feelings lately. Plenty of strong, happy, light feelings. Lots of uncomfortable, dark ones. I think the dark ones make people nervous. I think they make me a little nervous.

A lot of people don't talk about their dark feelings until they're desperate for help, until they feel that those feelings are eating them alive. There seems to be an unspoken rule in our world that we don't talk about the darkness until it's about to consume us. Why? Why can't we talk about the darkness as it comes? Why does acknowledgement of the darkness have to incite panic in the speaker and the listener?

We all experience darkness. Trying to ignore or hide it gives it power. I've been ignoring it in the hope that it will go away, but that's not how this works. There is something hiding in the darkness: a creature. We often live in terror of that creature hiding in the dark because we don't know how painful it will be to look at it. We don't know how dangerous it is.

Shining a light on our monsters is a little scary. What if the creature hiding there is scarier than the darkness? What if the pain of reality is more unbearable than the fear of the unknown?

The thing about living with an unknown monster is that you will always be afraid. You will always be limiting yourself because WHAT IF you decide to try something new and it shines a big old spotlight on that monster and you just can't handle it? Fear makes you crazy. Fear holds you down and keeps you in your box. You can't fly in a box.

So, what is my point? The point is, I'm choosing now to shine a light on the darkness, as it comes. I'm looking at it. I'm talking about it. I'm naming it. I'm understanding it. I'm getting to know my monsters so they don't scare me anymore. I'm listening to what they have to say so I can learn. I'm choosing to stop living in fear.

And I'm telling all of you about my darkness for three reasons: to remind myself that I'm not alone in my darkness, to remind all of you that you're not alone in your darkness, and because talking through it is one awesome way for me to understand it all better.

I've come to see that some of the creatures that seemed so formidable in the blackness of denial are actually small and weak parts of my soul that need tending to. Others are nasty, mean, and have no place in my heart. But by shining the light on them, I can see the difference. I can tell which ones I will need help excusing from my heart and which ones need some love and attention.

I'm sharing my darkness and my monsters because we all have them. Ignoring or fearing them gives them a ridiculous amount of power over us. We keep ourselves small by staying in the dark. Turn on the light, my friends. If you want to talk about what's been hiding in your darkness, if you need a hand to hold while you turn on the light, find someone - a friend, a professional, a support group, a doctor. Whether you do it alone or you ask for support, turn on the light and look at the monsters. It is unquestionably worth it.