Thank You, Stars
I sit in the car.
It smells like rain. And spring.
The darkness is comforting, like my favorite childhood blanket. Hiding me from the world. Holding me softly, quietly.
Memories flash through my heart. Not my mind; they're not solid enough to be thoughts. And yet, feeling-memories seem to be more real than thought-memories. They seem to be part of the very fabric of my soul.
The stars wink at me, peeking out between the clouds. I smile, pleasantly startled by the realization that these are the same stars I've looked up at my whole life.
They haven't changed. I have. I've changed so much. But the feeling-memories remind me of who I've been at each stage of my life. Each time I've looked at the stars, smelled the rain, smiled into the darkness, my heart has recorded a feeling-memory. The memories connect my present self to all my past selves, thousands of colorful threads tying me together into a beautiful whole.
Letting those memories flow through my heart now hurts, just a little. A strange, joyful kind of pain. I feel like I'm letting my soul expand with every memory that is pulled through my heart. The growth hurts, but it builds me. I won't trade my pain for smallness again.
Thank you, stars, for reminding me that my pain helps me grow.
And thank you, stars, for reminding me that, as constant as you have been in my life, there is One who is even more constant, more present, more aware of me. The One who is showing me how to weave these feeling-memory-threads into a beautiful tapestry.
Thank you, stars, for reminding me of God.
It smells like rain. And spring.
The darkness is comforting, like my favorite childhood blanket. Hiding me from the world. Holding me softly, quietly.
Memories flash through my heart. Not my mind; they're not solid enough to be thoughts. And yet, feeling-memories seem to be more real than thought-memories. They seem to be part of the very fabric of my soul.
The stars wink at me, peeking out between the clouds. I smile, pleasantly startled by the realization that these are the same stars I've looked up at my whole life.
They haven't changed. I have. I've changed so much. But the feeling-memories remind me of who I've been at each stage of my life. Each time I've looked at the stars, smelled the rain, smiled into the darkness, my heart has recorded a feeling-memory. The memories connect my present self to all my past selves, thousands of colorful threads tying me together into a beautiful whole.
Letting those memories flow through my heart now hurts, just a little. A strange, joyful kind of pain. I feel like I'm letting my soul expand with every memory that is pulled through my heart. The growth hurts, but it builds me. I won't trade my pain for smallness again.
Thank you, stars, for reminding me that my pain helps me grow.
And thank you, stars, for reminding me that, as constant as you have been in my life, there is One who is even more constant, more present, more aware of me. The One who is showing me how to weave these feeling-memory-threads into a beautiful tapestry.
Thank you, stars, for reminding me of God.
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